my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling. Ill be living in a van down by the river if we separate. Hope your marriage will last till you die you depart. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. In other words, pressure makes for bad sex even when you actually end up having it, and all that pressure and bad sex might make your wife just lose interest in sex completely. It is indeed like forcing down a tasteless meal for someone elses sake. Its not as rosy on our side of the fence, when you really look into it. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. Great but no sex at 69. She displays no interest at all and hasnt for years. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? She isnt enthusiastic about that idea. It takes two. Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. nuff said. Or you can try and find a willing partner. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . etc. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. She would be lost. While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. You bet. Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. why is he grumpy? Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. Absolute rubbish! Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. Youve both gone so long without sex together and without understanding each other that it isnt an easy fix. My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. He has no interest. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? Sorry. As well as almost no feeling there as well. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. I said no. Isnt going to happen. I love her more than anything in this world. Yet we are burdened with the biologically and Darwinian drive to procreate. A dip in intimacy can be brought on by several factors new responsibilities, changing priorities, biological and physiological changes. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. Then if you still have to, decide. Its incredibly painful!!!! But dont give up! Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! Sex is over. Ive been married to my husband for 35 + years to an indifferent withholder for the entire marriage. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. I wish she would just go away and never come back, shes got just about everything I own. If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? Needless to say, both of us are feeling a renewed awareness of who we were and now are. That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. Quick and fast is also good. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. Thats great but what about the man? Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. If they did, they would be taking care of business! We men are so caught up in our egos . I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. The dog loves her. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! After reading most of the above letters I have come to the conclusion that married couples, for the most part, have all entered into relationships, never having the correct training. I love her. Thanks for your candid note. Both 39 years oldI just suffer in silence. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. So our talking about this topic usually ends up in an argument or one of us so ticked off we could scream. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: I urge you to seek help now. Period. But. My husband and I both have gained weight. Thank you for sharing! I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Sadly so, leave! And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before. Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. Just get out Stan. I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). 1. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and emotional intimacy to feel connected to her partner. She cut me off completely about 10 years ago and refuses to even talk about sex when I try to bring it up. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. At that time my job became demanding. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. Thats whats even more hurtful. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? Sorry long diatribe. Count your blessings mate! Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. It will never balance out. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? Its at least mean . It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . Im pretty much in the same boat. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. After my heart surgery 2 years ago for the same valve, we found the same surgeon who repaired it robotically and I was able to care for her pneumonia 2 weeks later and a year later heart failure, improved by a TAVR Aortic valve replacement last spring. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Feeling loved and getting affection, including sex is important to me. 2 weeks later I spoke to her again and ended up asking if she knew what I was suggesting. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. I remember when certain words did the trick. bcb I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she's not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don't use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Reaching orgasm can become difficult or seem impossible.". Nothing has changed. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! But here I sit.pissed off. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. Thats why were looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex. It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. our sense of what is expected . Nope. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. "The typical, goal-oriented 'round-the-bases' approach to sex doesn't inspire, arouse, or satisfy women," relationship coach Bez Stone writes at mbg. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. Drugs and orgasm. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. Its been over three months since weve had sex. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. I actually envy those that are single. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Finally after 40yrs he tries to help and cares more now than at any point all the times before. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. And for the love of god stop watching fake porn. Id say he has some other issues. She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. I had four children from a previous marriage, I had a tubal ligation reversal so we could have a child of our own, By serious good luck, we had one. This whole situation sucks for all of us. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Is it so horrible if I want to snuggle with her? This is so depressing!! Sorry Mate. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. 3. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. Your story is very very simular to mine. Here are some foreplay ideas for inspo. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. But it will quickly fade again once their needs are met. She didnt. Be loving. Been married 20 years . I brought this up in premarital counseling. We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. It is sad and hurtful and I felt she only did me favor to have sex with me.. We have 3 young kids so divorce is not an option and I had been sleeping in guest room for almost 6 months now.. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. We are wired so differently. Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. not someone to basically jerk off into. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. I lived with her for a year after a very contentious divorce from the mother of my children who cheated. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. I like to think there is hope but unsure. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. Yeah. I am talking about virtual reality and toys for Men like the flesh light, that can at least make the situation bearable. Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. Im 65, shes 70. My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. 4. Problem or seek medical help. So not. This is relevant for anyone with anxiety about their body (which, unfortunately, is true for the vast majority of women), but it may be particularly relevant for women as they age, go through childbirth, or simply experience changes to their body over time. If you must you could think castration out of love. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. I heard my uncles talk about sex like it was something from their youth that has long gone. Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. That was then and she is gone now. Im guessing because you are complaining that your 59 year old husband is fat, lazy, snores and is demanding is the reason you dont have sex anymore? Wish she would just say so. My wife has no desire for . 10 year sexless marriage. What r u holding on for?! The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). Underlying medical problems Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. A woman may lose interest in sex, even in a happy marriage, if the sex does not bring her sexual pleasure. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. Im in the same boat. oh Pamela, I hear you! Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. So, basically youre saying, My needs outweigh your life. I dont care if you die, so long as I get 3 minutes of pleasure.. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. 30 years in sexless marriage. And Ive been caught too. Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. Food, sleep, sex. Your email address will not be published. Here's her full guide to overcoming the sexual avoidance cycle, plus how to support a lower-libido partner. Which now seems gone forever. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. I totally understand how lingering issues in a relationship make it ridiculously hard to want to have sex. How should I phrase it? Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex.

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